The unounodroni /əˈnɒnədɹoʊni/ is a yellow-and-white stranger with a pronounced head, bloodshot eye markings, and fleshy flaps of skin between each limb. It is smooth on the outside, and light, dry, and springy inside.
The flesh of its puppet-like body separates easily via any blade, though it regenerates within the day. It resists all extremes of temperature, including exposure to direct flame; though the unounodroni is as flammable as paper, it does not burn up.
The unounodroni's language is excessively limited, and its voice, shrill and reedy. All unounodroni sound identical, with their cadence being given to prosody, and their phonetics, to rhyme. It is, furthermore, a deft imitator of overheard speech.
Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown.
The unounodroni appears in any location with stage or podium on which a single individual or group of individuals directly addresses or is observed by an audience. It is thus most common in theaters, play-houses, performing art centers, concert halls, courthouses, churches, and conference or press venues, though it never appears in schools.
Unounodroni infestations manifest with initial scatters of thirty to three hundred individuals, each of which tumbles forthⱨ from the air in a crumpled, cocoon-like "kernel" that is small enough to be held in the palm of one's hand. Over the course of several minutes, this wad grows larger in size (as though inflated from within), until the folds part to reveal the mature unounodroni, which wastes no time in scampering away.
ⱨ Thrown in, or thrown out?
Each unounodroni that appears within an environment bears colors which contrast the previous individual. Groups are either "left-leading" (in which the initial individual is yellow on top and white on the bottom) or "right-leading" (with the initial individual bearing a white top and yellow underbelly). Left-leading groups tend to be more gregarious and even-tempered, whereas right-leading groups are both more fast-tempered, and quick to disperse.
This lead affects handedness, as well, with left-leading groups using their right hand dominantly, and right-leading, the reverse.
Following the space's first scatter, subsequent waves of new individuals recur with regularity, and group reaches a peak size of up to five hundred unounodroni.
The unounodroni possesses a blusterous disposition, which it expresses through its frequent, exaggerated gestures and vocalizations as it flaps from place to place with a flighty exasperation. Its movements are notably puppet-like, as though its body is controlled by some unseen and inexperienced operator.
Though by no means stationary, the unounodroni does not tend to wander far from where it appeared, and takes no time in becoming gregarious⼅ with others of its strain. It responds to all unexpected stimulus with a flapping of the arms and a tendency towards flight, often with a blatant disregard for its immediate surroundings.
⼅ We steal as in a castle, cock-sure; we have the receipt of fern-seed, we walk invisible.
W. Shakespeare. Henry IV, excised verse.
The unounodroni's social behaviours change depending on proximity to the highest point within its territory. The closer it is to this pinnacle,৫ the more aggressive it becomes in attempting to climb, and upon reaching the top, stands victorious for as long as possible.
Old King Cole entrance sign... podium... speaker stack... plaster castle wall... baby grand piano...
Baz Ganges. Twenty-Four Mazes and their Minotaurs.
The stranger directly competes with its companions in this regard, and it defends its ascent with slaps and crawling grapples. Though able to push its companions aside, it is incapable of causing injury, and as new unounodroni rush to claim their ascendance, defeated individuals digress from the peak and are pushed to the perimeter once more.
As time goes on, the unounodroni becomes exponentially more likely to resort to weapon use, and picks up any nearby object (such as a fork, knife, or pen) in order to puncture their opponent. Once one unounodroni displays weapon use, others begin to imitate this behaviour, as well. Upon picking up a weapon, it is not dropped. Depending on the availability of tools in the venue, such violence may be limited, or severe.ᵽ
ᵽ Can you imagine how messed up the federal party delegate convention must have been? There were at least three blue pens under every seat!
Jenny Lenda (referencing the prior month's political scandals. Ending monologue for "The Tonight Show", date unknown.)
Whilst not deliberately destructive towards its space, an unounodroni-infested area is quickly put into disarray.
The unounodroni behaves frantically when confronted by a sensitive, scampering off with a flapping of the arms or a covering of the face. Although one individual calms down relatively soon after this initial startle, groups remain unsettled꒑ for some time. The strain is not aggressive without provocation, however, and its frantic flapping becomes dangerous only in the case of weapon-wielding individuals.୯
꒑ The flappers were clenching all around us, and I did what any sane individual would do – I flapped back!
Jenny Lenda (as coerced during her interrogation after being for spreading false information about the previous year's federal convention trust scandals.)
Though he found no difficulty in wresting the knife from its hands, he couldn't help but wonder who had been there before him. Other than him, it wasn't supposed to be that kind of club.
Jealous Fontaine. The Night-Manx Rezides.
The unounodroni, when attacked, grows manic, but does not defend itself from the sensitive, nor does it retaliate. Rather, it repeats the attack upon its nearest companion, who then attempts to continue the chain. Because each repetition is more clumsy and sweeping than the last, the chain is eventually broken - but not without a great deal of surrounding mayhem and confusion, with the sensitive themselves not exempt from the second-degree violence.
A sensitive can immediately subdue a group by writing the following phrase, however: "All lie full low, graved in the hollow ground. / All murder'd: all for that hollow crown." Significance notwithstanding, this writing does not have to be "observed" to have an effect.
As it ages, the unounodroni both grows more placid, and observes the bounds of their territory less rigorously. Though most roamers are picked off by predatory strains, a select few do find their way into other unounodroni groups. There, they are welcomed and treated as one of the herd, before an abrupt mass mobbing and prolonged murder.
When able to reach the natural end of its life, the unounodroni folds itself up in a standing cocoon-like form, hiding its head and hands beneath its flaps of skin. It dies in this standing position, and crumples first inward, and then downward, this "kernel" vanishing before hitting the ground.